Choices, Challenges and Changes
Look who's back!
And so soon?!
I told you that I was determined to keep this up, thanks for holding me to that promise. :)
So it's Sunday night, it's been a beautiful day and an all 'round pretty gr8 weekend. As I'm organising (calculating) my weeks worth of food (mmm FOOD), I sit here reflecting on the crazy few weeks it's been. I've just finished week 3 of my 8 week challenge and gearing up to kick some ass in week 4, BRING IT! *flex bicep emoji*
Please note, in the following writing, in fact ALL of my writing, I am nothing but honest. I'm not sitting down to type a fairytale or a sugarcoated story. Imma tell you exactly how it is, from my perspective at least. It is in no way glamorous. It is REAL + RAW.
What a whirlwind it's been. Thinking about the last 3 weeks it feels like all i've done is cook, clean up my mess post cook, train, walk, work and sleep (repeat, repeat, repeat). You get the picture. Amongst the constant go-go-go, racing to the gym, waking up waaay earlier than I'm used to and forever cooking/prepping food, I think I've also ticked every emotion off the experience list.
Week 1 had me feeling pretty damn good, all things considered. My body had gone from sleepy afternoons on the couch, to 1 hour Muay Thai classes, from junky treats at work to my humble sweet potato and chicken lunches. I was feeling pretty tired from the early wake ups and for anyone who knows me well, I am NOT a morning person, like really not. My body was well exxxhausted, I was hormonal and feeling tired had me begging for chocolate. However, despite the sudden change and physical/mental exertion, I was feeling re-energised, really damn good in my bod and by some miracle mentally strong.
To give you a bit of background; we have our weekly evaluations every Saturday. We weigh in, get measurements taken and strip down for progress photos. *Woot Wooo* My time slot is a bright and early 6:30am, which has me up at 5:30am with a big ol' black cawfee to get me going.
My first evaluation left me feeling disappointed. In my first week despite the goings on, had me feeling UNSTOPPABLE and I felt like I'd lost about 10kgs. However, the scales read a tiny 300g, which momentarily burst that unstoppable bubble. Now thanks to my previous experience I am all too familiar with the constant scale battle because for the most part they're liars. They are NOT an accurate reflection of your body or the changes that are occurring. Yes, they have their place but they aren't gospel. If you're in the midst of your weight loss journey or not - PLEASE REMEMBER THIS; Don't let that silly number break you're spirit.
In saying all of that, I did let it get to me for about an hour, before I shook it off and had my ass handed to me in Muay Thai. As much as i say don't let it get to you, it's also kinda hard not to. After all this whole fitness/weight loss journey is really 99% mental, your body will go where your mind goes. Not seeing a reduction on the scales when I know I gave 100% that week automatically stirs feelings of failure and disappointment, despite your body probably killin' it with losing fat/stacking on muscle mass.
From that point, I decided I wasn't going to find out my weight. I knew I was committed to giving my food and training 100%, so if I'm ticking all the boxes then I'm sure my body is figuring things out the way it's meant to. I don't need to measure my success or my efforts by that dumb dawg number.
Feels: Detoxed, revived, tired and motivated.
Highlight: 6 HIIT classes, BOOM!
Challenge: Only losing 300g (as per the scales).
What I learnt: Ignore the damn scales! Focus on how you're feeling.
Week 2 had me feeling even BETTER. I felt my muscle memory kick in, I was starting to feel stronger and really in control. I was going to all the classes I could, going for morning walks and getting my own gym sessions in. The food was fine, I wasn't bored and pretty happy with my meals. Now that I had sugar/junk-toxed, I had absolutely no cravings for anything. I find when I'm in a good rhythm with my training and food, I rarely have the desire to binge on crap. The odd craving here and there but really I'm diggin' my food because I see it purely as fuel instead of pleasure, which is an amazing and powerful space to be.
You no longer let the food control you, which is a f*cking tough place to get to, it takes a lot of willpower and mental strength, but it's OH so empowering (and trust me, it IS possible).
In my evaluation I got distracted in conversation with my trainer and I didn't end up finding out my measurements (along with my weight). I realised after the fact but felt like that was somehow meant to be. Less focus on the factual changes (IE measurement reduction), and more focus on how I am feeling and the little wins, like being able to do more push ups. YASS!
However, the start of week 2 was my birthday (on a Sunday too)! Pre challenge I had my standard wild plans of a big boozy night on the town. Obvs that had to change which I was cool with. But on the actual day (imma get real wit chu) I felt flat, deflated and disappointed. What do you do to celebrate if you can't eat or drink anything exciting? I was also super emotional missing my Mumma. As life would have it those feels come in waves, particularly when you least expect it. All you can really do is to feel it, release it, honour it and heal from it. It happens less and less these days but the intensity in those moments never fade. By emotional, I mean crying on and off for most of the day. Compounding all of that.. I was bloody damn tired, beyond wrecked. And as I have coined it I was big-time TANGRIMOTIONAL (tired-angry-emotional). It wasn't until the afternoon (post 2hr nap, yep I'm a goddamn nap KWEEN), I picked myself up and decided despite my current limitations, YOU CAN STILL CELEBRATE WITHOUT INDULGENT FOOD + DRANKS. Despite thinking I'd wrecked my whole day, I think it kinda happened for a reason, a lesson for me to find meaning in other things, that you don't need booze and bad food to mark a special occasion. OH NO YOU DON'T! So we ended the day with a drive and watching the sunset @ KP. *bliss*
You know, sometimes life has other plans for us, no my day wasn't unicorns/rainbows/glittery stars, but accepting the imperfections in life, sets you free and ultimately opens your heart to receive more from the universe.
Feels: Stronger, focussed and empowered
Highlights: Feeling so damn energised, improvement in strength
Challenge: My birthday turning out to be a little different to what planned.. but, it's OK!
What I learnt: You can find meaning and a sense of special-ness in just about anything, if you want to!
There are always going to be 'things' in life that we have to do or 'things' that happen to us which we have zero control over. What we do have control over is how we choose to experience those 'things'. You have a choice in everything you do, even when it feels like you don't, YOU DO. Yes, you might have to go to work errday but how you chose to approach it is up to you. You don't love your job? You may not have the choice to quit and be a kept person at home, but you have the choice to make a change. You have a streak of bad luck, you can choose to be pissed at the world and be the victim saying "today's going to be awful, life sucks, poor me". Or you can choose to say "yes, that fucking stinks BUT I'm not letting that influence my day". You can choose to be and do anything, the universe is just waiting for you to make that choice. I know it's cliche (I ain't scared), LIFE IS DAMN SHORT, it's fleeting and fragile, so don't waste a damn moment of it.
(Choose to) Enjoy it all, lovers.