Heart of Wonder, Soul of Passion.
I don't know about you, but I'm the kinda gal that simply wants it all.
Not in a greedy way but in a way where I get excited by soooo many things. It's literally like getting distracted by shiny things, constantly.
So how the hell does one refine this overwhelming desire, into streamline action, to achieve it all.
Because I actually don't know.
For the last two weeks, I've wanted to sit down in my own time and write out the 'perfect' blog post. Geeeez, I should really let that idea of perfection go.. Who else runs a blog called 'The Soul Echo'? No one (I think), so there ain't no comparison and therefore there ain't no perfection.
I guess a part of me wanted to share something pretty and dreamy, as I pride myself in doing with my photography.
That's where I suppose I dance in the world of intriuge and interesting.
See - I love to capture the 'perfect' photo, or perhaps one that is imperfectly perfect - like the moment when someone scrunches their nose in a fit of laughter. Candid, and beautifully so.
Then I have this other deep desire to share my take on the world through my writing. Through my words, I hope to capture the nitty gritty of life and the experiences we navigate. We all survive so much and I feel that there is a lot that ISN'T spoken about openly - like emotions - so I want to lead the way in open expression and sharing, starting with myself and cracking my heart open here.
I am fuelling the photography fire with the chance to shoot a varied range of jobs lately. This is certainly helping me to refine what I like, what I don't like as much and what I'm about. And I'm (still) trying to find my rhythm with my blogging. Juggling both photography and blogging with a FT job and all of life's other goodness.
Tonight I'm in this mood, which is generally very internalised, involving tireless thinking by my brain.
Think, think, think, think, think, think... *in the tune of Rihanna's Work*
It's this strange mood of frustration, overwhelm and motivation. Mmm, told ya it was bizarre.
There's frustration that I'm not where I want to be, but overwhelm because I'm not sure where I exactly want to be, then the motivation kicks in to work on the where/how. *eyeroll*
I want to be a fully fledged blogger, photographer, dabble in videography, design, lettering.. Beyond all of those wonderful things, all I want to do is help people.
Wanting to help people has been a long burning desire since I was 14 and decided I wanted to become a paramedic. I think Mum thought it would be something I'd grow out of at the time. Ah-hah, I didn't... Well, not until a few more years down the track. I magically got into uni after not quite getting the OP I needed for the course, I then successfully (?somehow?) completed a couple of years of on and off study, throughout the early days of grieving the loss of my Mum. Needless to say I was all over the shop.
It wasn't until after my second, or maybe third break from uni (yep, I can't keep up), that it was becomming obvious that it perhaps wasn't quite for me. Which broke my heart. I had this vision for so long of running around in a green jumpsuit, saving lives and helping people through emergency medicine.. And now I'm realising that the vision may not come to fruition?!
It took a couple of years of part time study/full time work to figure it out. I did some soul searching, peeling back my life desire to be a paramedic - to reveal that the driving force was my urge to HELP. Like, crazy urge.. Must. Help. Want. To. Help. So. Badly. I can't even explain it in words.
Maybe it was my upbringing, in a very loving home. Maybe it's in my DNA, a part of my heart and soul that calls this desire. Maybe it's some horrific times I've experienced, that I now want to give back to those in their time of need - like so many wonderful people did for me.
And maybe, I'm realising it's all of the above. And that's really freaking cool!
After more soul searching, talking, contemplating, studying, working, more talking.. I realised that Paramedics would fulfil the desire to help, but it would also equally destory me as a person. I'm empathetic and compassionate (if I can say so myself), and as I'm growing up (lel) I feel that part of me is only growing. Paramedics ain't pretty, the emotional toll it takes is extreme and I truly believe in my heart now that it would change me as a person, if not completely break me.
So I made peace with my visions of my life, as I thought it would be for such a long time. I learnt and grew in various 'corporate' roles, and I'm now a team leader for a customer service team in an awesome company. In a different way, I still get to fulfil my desire to help through customer service and the development of my team, which is sweet.
I'm also learning, or perhaps realising, that I am an uber creative being. And after many a time 'off' creative hobbies/outlets, I feel it deeply in my soul. There's something about creating and indulging in time to be free with creative outlets, that is nurturing, inspiring and rejunvenating.
So now my mission is to both help and create, in equal parts in their own beautiful ways. And I think the two lovingly intertwine in their uniqueness, which I'm discovering and bloody loving.
In these moments of overwhelm, for both you and I, because we all feel a bit scattered from time to time (unless it's just me.. eekkk, that would be awks). It's SO important to work through the emotions we feel in these moments, but to also reassure ourselves that it will be fleeting and it won't last.
Generally my go-to soothing remedy is to get stuck into some work, something that will help me to grow into what/who I want to become. Or sometimes simply indulging in a creative activity, without any real purpose - like sequin embroidery. I fucking love it, it's so relaxing but it will probably never be a monetary business, and that's cool. (I'd laugh if nek minnit it was..). I guess my point here is that it's okay to indulge in something just for the sake of.
Equally as important, is taking action in order to own and combat these feels. It's also damn important to acknowledge where you have come from, what you have achieved, and give yourself an extra pat on the back for your success! Think back to 6 months ago, and all that you've done/achieved/survived.. Let alone thinking back to a year, two or five years ago! I bet if you really reflect, the growth would astound you.
Y'know what, list it out those accomplishments, write that shit down and congratulate yourself! When you look at all that you've done, I have no doubt it'll be both awe-inspiring and motivating. Look at chu go, and look at dat potential!
Lastly, take a big effing deep breath.
Breathe in with me.. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...
And breathe out..
You are enough, and you have already achieved so much. And I know there is more magic awaiting both of us, just over the horizon.
Now start listing out your goals, and let's turn our frustration and overwhelm into action.
Your dreams are waiting for you.. So let's not keep them waiting any longer.
I believe in you, so you should too (self love/belief, will be the next topic coming up on the blog - so stay tuned).
Here's to hearts of wonder and souls of passion.