The Reality, Fear and Power of Showing Up and Being Seen!
There's a lot of talk in the world around me, and I'm sure around you, about "showing up".
I know it's starting to evolve into a common phrase and one that I find I often use when talking with others or hyping myself up. Despite its slight overuse, it's a saying that I love - for its accountability of calling yourself and myself to shine ever so brightly and step the f*ck UP!
HOWEVER! Yes, there's a however to this, that has 'shown up' in my consciousness this week. Ayyeee, see what I did there.
Cue, my question to you: Beyond just showing up... Are you being seen?
I wholeheartedly believe the two go hand in hand. Naturally, if you're showing up, there is a certainty that there will be a glimpse where you're being heard/felt/recognised - this is what I mean when I say "seen".
What I have realised, is that I have absolutely been showing up, and I've been bloody determined in my resolve to continue in doing so, but I've also been hiding in the shade, fearful of being seen. I've been more than 'half in' but definitely not 100% in... Ya feel?
This week has been a juicy one. Filled with energy and excitement, resulting in impromptu and frequent dance parties - at home, by myself, in my living room, in sometimes only a t-shirt and undies. #reallyf. A contrast to the inspiring energy and the inspired action has been an uncovering of some intense home truths held deeply within my heart.
Yasss, I have been relentless in stepping up and stepping the hell outta my way lately. I've been raising my voice and my vibe, I've been contributing in and to multiple platforms, motivated to make my mark and share the love. At the same time, I'm STILL softening my edges or dulling my noise, because I am freakin' terrified of being in FULL vision, in COMPLETE sight.
So in the spirit of being completely seen and wholeheartedly showing up, as I am eternally committed to doing so in this space, here is a slice of my internal goings on...
I'm embarrassed about my current physical state because I feel that I'm "out of shape" (psst that is such a bullshit saying, now that I think about it, a story for another time...).
I feel so ashamed of my appearance that I've doubted physically being present at events and catch ups. Although I've not bought into the doubt and I've continued with my commitments, I've still felt worried and nervous about being seen IRL.
The physical aspect is the catalyst for the "I'm not worthy", "I'm undeserving", the questioning of what/how/why I'm doing what I'm doing or if I can or should be doing it.
There are shadows of self-doubt, an air of 'I'm not enough', dusty corners of uncertainty, served with a side of imposter syndrome.
I could look at all of this and give up, buy into the bullshit and go on to live a small life. But as my journey has transpired, and continues to remind me, that is NOT how I operate.
Instead, I'm taking a mo to give myself credit for my strength and resilience, because, despite the above negative self-talk, I have continued to passionately SHOW UP!
I have done it; I am DOING IT!
Through my perseverance and disregard of such self-negativity, I have had the honour and given myself the opportunity to be SEEN. And you know what, the fears have not translated into reality, in fact, I've only been received with sweet, sweet rewards. I have connected with more people than I ever have. I have been recognised by people I admire. I have shared my vision and hopefully touched/helped/inspired in return.
Spoiler alert: the fears are bullshit!
Yes, there is the existence of micro FACTS, which imma werkin' on (i.e. nurturing my body with exercise and food). It's also important to distinguish FACTS from fiction and be discerning with the thoughts you and I allow - (i.e. my physical state does not influence or dictate the worthiness of my higher self).
For the most part, all of the other crap that I've fed myself is just that... FUCKING CRAP!!!! Processing and unravelling the apparition of fear - the fear that I've clung to like a freakin' life raft as if I'm stranded at sea - I have felt a HUGE shift in my energy, in my mindset and attitude, and in my presence.
So YASSS imma be hosting another solo dance party in my living room today, in honour of my efforts. For the first time, probably ever, I have not only proved my capability to show up, but I have clearly and completely SEEN myself, for the wild, raw, unapologetic, intricate and real human being that houses my sparkly soul.
So, I'll ask you again... Are you just showing up? Or are you showing up and being SEEN?
Being 100% and unapologetically yourself?
You have everything you've ever needed in this moment, to propel you forward, to lift you up, to raise your voice. There is undiscovered power stirring deep within your heart and soul, that is waiting for you to give yourself a chance to fucking unleash, to run wild, to share and shine vividly...
I believe in you. I'm cheering for you. I feel you. I see you.
And it's ever so enchantingly beautiful.