The Struggle Is Real (and kinda amazing)
On Sunday night I sat down to create some magic on this baby. Pouring my very honest heart and soul into it when some weird tech glitch occurred and BOOM! In an instant err'thing was gone. Three hours of work simply disappeared into the deep dark depths of the interwebs.
"CATCH YA MATE!"
Flash forward through what has been a crazy old week. It's Thursday night and I'm jammin' out to some 90's RnB. Jagged Edge "Let's Get Married" at this very moment. *Chair groovin in progress*.
After feeling like I could never write again, I'm here and doin' it (whilst semi dancing in my chair and lip syncing, I'm real cool). And to give you a #REALLIFE look into my world at this moment, I'm currently rockin' my grey tracksuit pants and grey jumper (unintentionally matching, looking like I've fallen out of the most recent season of OITNB). My hair is in a perfect round bun atop of my head, my make up is half on/off and I've just finished eating a tin of tuna. #goals, right?!
My legs are aching and my body is feeling tired. It's been a huge week with plenty of change and excitement, which on the whole, has been totes amaze. *ding*
I'm currently in week 7 of 8, and boy has she been a damn challenge. Dayuuummm. This week has really tested my desire, my motivation, my strength (mentally) and most of all, HOW BAD DO I ACTUALLY WANT THIS?
And I think my rise to the challenge and my overall reaction to this week is the true answer to that question.
I want it so damn baaaad and I ain't stoppin', not yet anyway.
I think I can safely say I have survived the worst of the motivation slump that hit me this week and I'm now on track to bring this bad boy home strong, reaaaaal strong.
In approximately 8 days time! *big smiles* And I really can't wait to share it with you and the world.
So week 5 and 6 hey..
To be perfectly honest they were both quite similar and both equally feel like a blur.
Both involved feeling tired, hungry and emotional (aka TANGRIMOTIONAL, yup it's officially a thing now). Somehow, the inner warrior inside of me rose to the mountainous challenges that came with those feelings and managed to push through. By pushing through, I mean I had mornings where getting up was impossible and I chose sleep > exercise on 2 occasions (oops). Which left me feeling less than proud. On the flip side there were more times where I wanted to throw a tantrum 2 y.o styles instead of working out (aka wasting time) but I eventually got it done, and felt amazing afterwards.
All of this is a polite reminder for me in the midst of this week, that I have totally GOT THIS.
And you do too!
Dude, I survived a freaking house party, which was nothing short of a wild night except for tame old me on the boring H2O. I ended up rocking up late (which is my own silly fault) after the drinks started flowing at 2pm. Despite the desire to let loose I politely refused all temptation and the bargaining of drunken mates ("one won't hurt"..).
Ultimately my mates happen to be a pretty damn supportive bunch of peeps. There was some serious lovin' coming my way (thanks Alchs), there was awe of my self control, respect and pride and it was really damn heart warming. People will probably never understand my appreciation and gratitude when they say they're proud of me. It means more than you know, so thank you.
This extends to my work fam, who happen to be total legends in keeping me honest. There have been moments where I have been eyeing off food with intent, as a lioness would hunt her prey. And there has always been some sweet soul to tell me no and remind me how disgusting doughnuts, lollies and tim tam's are. Thank you.
On the topic of support, whether that comes from family, friends, work mates, strangers, gym buddies, anyone in general. If any human in your world is NOT positive, encouraging and supportive of whatever it is you've put your mind/heart/soul into (health related, or not).
You need to run for your life in the opposite direction. NOW.
Listen (read) very carefully. DO NOT EXERT YOUR PRECIOUS ENERGY IN FIGHTING THEIR NEGATIVITY. That means standing up for yourself and sometimes walking the other way. Perhaps for a short time or for a little while longer. You sure as hell don't deserve to share your love and yourself with people who aren't totally committed to supporting you. Sometimes people are too clouded by the goings on in their own world and it becomes impossible for them to be truly present and positive for you. I hate being ruthless because generally I'll give someone a gazillion chances before deciding to walk away but sometimes it's an act of self preservation. Wish them well and send them your light, from a distance.
Trust me, shit gets easier the less you associate yourself to these people.
Anyway, where was I?!
Both weeks reflected very little movement in my measurements. By very little, I mean a couple of centimetres off everywhere in total for the two weeks. Which is actually pretty damn amazing and I'm only just appreciating this as I'm typing RN. At the time I shrugged off the 1.5cm off my thigh in a week as if it wasn't good enough. But every little change adds up to big changes. Which sounds like the daftest thing ever, but it's true. Bigger picture, kinda thing.
I've had to learn to realllllly trust this process. Okay, so I didn't drop 15 centimetres in a week. That's cool, and actually totes normal. Whilst your focused on that, your bod is working it's little butt off (literally) to deliver results in other means. Like fitting those jeans with a little more ease, not getting puffed when you race up a flight of stairs or radiating that extra glow.
What has been the biggest and the most noticeable change is the improvement in my strength and endurance. I feel like I've just levelled up, big time. *ding, ding, ding*
Sure, the measurements have been doin' their thing quietly but my body is proving itself more than ever with these mini wins. *fist pump emoji*
- Box jumps, for probably the first time ever and I didn't eat shit. *Winning*
- Increasing my bicep curls from 5kg to 10kg, doubled.. What the?! #gunshow
- Squatting waaaay heavier and noticing a big difference in my strength and form.
- Walking faster, covering more distance in less time. On the treddy, I was struggling to walk at 5.5 and now I can strut it out at 6.2. Yasssss, imma strut.
All the facts, figures and technicalities of the challenge aside, I'm coming into a really sweet spot of diggin' myself and feelin' really damn good, consistently. When I say diggin' myself, I don't mean to sound saaa up myself.
What I mean is that I can feel a rise of subtle self confidence and moments where I genuinely feel beautiful. *Pauses for a moment*.
There will be more to come on that soon.
Perhaps this is bigger, better and more powerful than any measurement change..
Highlight: Nailing box jumps for the first time EVER, and partnering up with a stranger in Muay Thai without getting uncoordinated and punching them.
Challenge: Resisting temptation and remembering the WHY. No, no, no and werk, werk, werk.
What I learnt: Trust the process, if you're feeling good then SOMETHING is working. Keep at it and keep pushing, because sometimes growth and change simply cannot be measured.
Feels: Less tired/hungry/emotional with a subtle undertone of fierce determination.
Highlight: Being sober sally and desi-driver at a house party and feeling empowered about it.
Challenge: Understanding that not everyone is going to 'get you' or 'get' what you're doing. Das cool, imma keep doing ma thang regardless.
What I learnt: Reminder: that we need to surround ourselves with the positive and encouraging people in our world. The beings that build you up, especially in those weak moments when you've got nothin' left. Through trusting the magical process your body is still werkin' hard to achieve great things, which sometimes aren't always obvious to you. Trust yourself, they will show in time and it will be all the sweeter when they do. Hold on!
See, told you the weeks were similar.
Now it's time to head down and bum up the next 8 days. I'm almost positive it's going to be challenging but I feel unstoppable now. I feel as though I've successfully passed and risen above plenty of hurdles in the last 7 weeks, so anything that comes my now will be a walk in the park. I've got my game plan and I've got my game face on, bring it baby!
What are you going to kickass at in the next 8 days? Is it a small goal that has been rumbling around in your mind for a while now? Or is it something kinda big and powerful that you want to start working on, but haven't quite gotten there? Make a list, write it down, talk about it, tell someone. Get yourself accountable, create a game plan because you are MORE than capable. The world is yours at any time and in every moment, you've just got to go out there and GET IT.
Work hard you dream being, the hustle is and WILL BE worth it.
See you at the end of 8 days! Woohoo!
Love, light and all my strength.