The Travel Series: Emotional Adventure [Part 2]
Welcome to the second instalment of The Travel Series and the part two of 'Emotional Adventure'
If you've read the first blog post, you can probably* infer that this trip held a vast depth of meaning, well beyond my expectations.
You don't need to have read the first one, to read this one. The two exist separately, however, they're both expressive of emotions felt over the course of our recent UK vacay.
<Backtrack for a sec> at the end of the first post, the 'Part One', I reference how much I really needed this break without consciously realising it.
YES! It was a thrill to have an 11 am gin and tonic, with a selection of gins and tonics I'll add. (Oh London, thank you for taking such things so seriously).
YES! It was bliss to explore a new place and spend hours walking, photographing and adventuring.
YES, YES, YES! The sleep-ins, the bulk carbs, the glasses of wine, the late nights, the dancing, the public transport, the road trip, the hotels, the cozy bnb's, the family time, the lovers time, the sore feet from walking...
The 'physical' things, were freakin' amazing. But this holiday was overflowing with the juiciest of goodness beyond the tangible. So much so, it was as though, in multiple poignant moments, the physical would melt away. Leaving me now with inspiration remanents relived mostly through words I scribbled and photos I captured, which I'm now revisting.
I've likened this holiday to be the big shiny n' sparkly key to unlocking a helluva lotta magic. Internal magic, thought-provoking magic, new idea magic, goal magic... Magic, magic, magic. I had intense lightbulb moments and some huge epiphanies (Steph-anies?) along the way.
> Recognising the subconscious pressure I had placed on myself to meet the expectations of others, without the actual existence or knowledge of said expectations. I've been in a sneaky habit of feeling the need to prove myself now that I'm fully fledged self-employed, as though I have to justify the what/how/why I'm doing what I'm doing.
> Acknowledging my complete deficit of self-love and adoration for myself. And more so how this has manifested in areas of my life. Such as; guilt around self-care, being run down, feelings of overwhelm, lack of belief, exhaustion with no reprieve. I'm learning and currently implementing a balance of indulgence and discipline.
> Realising whole-souly (like wholeheartedly but more), that I am the MASTER, MISTRESS, BOSS, KWEEN - whatever powerful title that may be applicable. I am the CAPTAIN of my life AND my business, as they coexist in their separate and intertwined nature.
This isn't a new belief, I've always known I'm in control, but I had lost sight of this - which I attribute to the previous point about assumed outside expectations and letting them blur my clarity and vision. The reality is that none of the expectations exists and I'm da boss. Cue: Time to create a routine that supports my HEALTH, WEALTH, PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, SEXUAL, SPIRITUAL and SOCIAL wellbeing.
> The importance of switching the hell off and just BEING. Ah-ah-ah - put dat phone down, mobile data off, phone in the cupboard - whatever it takes! My eyes off of the screen and my face into light/life. Now to continue the balance of disconnecting and connecting.
> That whole captain thing, well, it applies to every aspect of my life, like creating quality time with Tom, which has been incredibly missed over the last year, until now. Or making time for myself to work out, eat well (or actually eat). Letting go of the "I don't have time" BS, and creating structure - in a fluid way that suits my spontaneous heart, along with prioritising pleasure and play. I will absolutely be talking more about this topic soon...
> Awareness of my ultra compromising ability, which only ends up compromising me. I'm talking about making sound decisions that are considerate of others AND myself. Which leads me to my next point...
> The power of saying YES or NO, and the realisation of Fuck Bucks (currently reading Sarah Knight's book "Get Your Shit Together", she also wrote "The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck". I do not have the time/energy/money (real or metaphorical), to be wasted on things that don't make me feel good, lift me up or serve me. None of us do! So imma considering my energy in terms of F bucks, and limiting the number of bucks spent of sh*t that don't vibe.
> Release of the guilt, the self-depreciating comments, and the general (negative) self-chatter that is complete and utter BS. Imma not even elaborating, because I don't have the energy or F BUCKS to do so. See, I'm learning!
The most frustrating part of all of this goodness is that returning home was about 49 times harder than I anticipated. The struggle has been real, some new lessons have come to light (oh hey new blog post), and I've had to dig to find the key that this vacay has gifted me.
As it turns out, this majestic key has been hidden in two photo sessions I had on Saturday, reacquainting me with some fiery mojo. The ideas spilling out of my soul and through my fingertips, transforming blank A4 pages of white paper into exciting scribbles of creating, playing and sharing.
There's also a whole lotta blog lovin' currently pouring out of me and my lil' revitalised heart. Think - event updates and/or recaps, the last two posts of The Travel Series, a post that focuses on the 'how' of getting your mojo back when it vanishes (plus a lil' bonus). There's a blog post sharing some lessons I've recently learnt, one if not many on the topic of mental wellness, and some self-love chat.
Oh, did someone mention podcast? Mmm, watch this space.